Anticipation

I just love that this little baby will be born in April. Having enjoyed April birthdays myself for the last 38 years, you feel like all of creation is joining you in celebration--the world feels like a party with flowers blooming on trees, bushes, and in the yard! April is an explosion of color and new life. It makes so much sense to me that God would design the celebration of Passover and thereby ordain the resurrection of His son during this time of the year. It is a time when the earth speaks of life after the death of Fall and the dormant Winter. So, with a sense of anticipation, I planted daffodil bulbs in our yard today. It was getting dark entirely too early as it does this time of the year and the air is cool. The grass is dying and turning the yucky shade of brown that will blanket the neighborhood for the next several months. And here I am stuffing these awkward looking brown bulbs into chilly earth. And I just smile inside when I think about our own little private celebration for this new member of the family come April. What better welcome than the happy daffodil?

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
(William Wordsworth)

Morning coffee

It has been a while since I have written, but my heart and mind have been so full. After returning from an amazing trip to Israel, I nervously made it through a few milestones in the pregnancy. I am now almost 17 weeks and the first trimester is behind me. We had an amazing ultrasound at the 12 week mark and I was astounded by what we were able to see. Little hands, a round belly, and a precious profile delight two new parents. In the midst of it all, work has been very busy and my folks have moved to a new nest in the NC Mountains, which is where I am at this moment. While sitting on the deck watching the sun rise over the mountains, you can't help but reflect. My mind wanders like the visible warmth drifting up from my coffee cup, which by the way,is a perfect companion this cold morning excepting the fact that it is decaf! So my wandering mind settles for a time on work...

Let me share a work story as it is in its simplicity the heart of who Bethany Christian Services is. There is a young woman who discovered she was pregnant not too long ago and she knew then that she was not prepared to provide adequately for this little one. Bethany exists to give women true choices…ways to choose to honor the life that God has created even when circumstances make that choice seem impossible. She began working with Bethany to find a family who is ready to be the parents to this child in ways that she bravely recognized she could not at this time. Her little girl was born not too long ago and for what reason we will never understand, she was born with only the stem of her brain. The rest of the area where her brain should have been was filled with empty fluid. As the brain stem controls the basic functions of life, this little one would survive for some amount of time, whether it was days or months no doctor could say. Here is where you see the heart of Bethany. Many other adoption agencies would have nothing more to do with this situation…the complexities are numerous and clearly finding a family prepared to be parents in this situation become much more difficult. But if we truly believe that God is the author of life and nothing created by him is anything less than wonderful and amazing, why would we see this little one any differently? Emotionally overwhelmed, the young mom felt that continuing with her decision to place this little one in Bethany’s care was the right decision. Over the days that followed, much prayer, concern, tears, and smiles were lavished on this little girl and she was fought for and advocated for as any parent would for cherished life. Bethany continued to search for the family who would respond to God’s call to be parents to this little one for whatever time God gave her and staff and volunteers surrounded her crib with their loving presence throughout the days. One volunteered shared of singing over her while cradling her in her arms for hours one evening and it made me think of Zephaniah’s words, “The Lord your God is mighty to save. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.” The Lord was mighty to save and he took his daughter home with Him several days ago. At the time of this beautiful transition from life to death to eternal life, this little girl was surrounded by her new family as well as her grandmother who was there holding hold her during those final moments. We will never know how God used this baby’s short life but we are confident that He did. God brings beauty out of the ashes. He breathes redemption into a fallen and imperfect world. His purposes are never thwarted. I am humbled that I get to be a part of this Kingdom work that God advances through Bethany.

A Messiah for all people in every generation

We leave for Israel the day after tomorrow. It is hard to believe the trip is this close.

Since April 19, 2006, I have been reading from the The Daily Bible in Chronological Order on a not so daily basis. (FYI, I highly recommend this particular version as I have bought other similar daily Bibles in chronological order that I did not like nearly as well) This lack of daily consistency is obvious in the fact that I started reading at the April 19th (2006, mind you) entry which occurs at the end of David's reign and just prior to Solomon taking the throne and just this morning, I read the first accounts in the Gospels of Jesus' birth. I would imagine by the time that April rolls around again I will have finished the entire Bible. It only will have taken me three years. It may have been set up to take a year, but true to form, God needs a bit more time with me.

There is something very epic and dramatic in getting to this point in my reading at this particular time on the eve of this trip. After slowing working through the Old Testament since at least David's reign, I have a whole new perspective on what Israel has gone through leading up to Jesus' birth. I can understand in an entirely different way how strong the desire must have been for a King to deliver them from the oppression of so many years. Although I can't fully imagine, I can certainly better appreciate the hope the Jewish nation must have held so deeply in their hearts. And yet, what was happening in their midst was something far more than they hoped for and infinitely more than they imagined. In the commentary transitioning from the Old Testament to the New Testament, L. LaGard Smith writes:

"All is now ready for the most important event in human history. It is an event planned for even before the creation of the world. It is the keeping of a promise made to Abraham over 2000 years earlier. It is the fulfillment of a host of prophecies regarding a Messiah who would come to establish his kingdom. Most importantly, it is the beginning of a dynamically new relationship between God and man. The event is the coming of the Savior of the world, the Messiah--or, as referred to in the Greek, the Christ.

This Christ is not to be just another world leader, as Cyrus, Alexander, or Caesar. He is not to be just another great man of God, as Abraham, Moses, or David. He is to be God himself in human flesh! The Lord of heaven is to become a servant of the earth. God, who has previously made himself known through a nation and a law, is now to reveal himself in the most personal way possible--in the form of a man. Until now God's blessings have been reserved mostly for a chosen people, but now they are to become available to all people in every generation."
(p. 1349)

There are many things I love about the movie The Nativity Story, but one frustration was the fact that the movie has the Wise Men at the manager the night Jesus is born. Having grown up with Nativity scenes and Nativity plays at church, I just accepted this as fact. It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned from a closer reading of Scripture at Ben's encouragement that the Wise Men did not visit Jesus until he was probably 6 months old. Likewise, Smith's commentary explains, "The Magi are prompted to travel the great distance to Jerusalem because of a star which appeared at the time of Jesus' birth. It is not known how many make the long journey (certainly no compelling evidence exists for the traditional three), but they apparently arrive some six months after Jesus' birth and inquire as to the child's whereabouts." But, in spite of the artistic license that is taken in the movie, I appreciate the message the imagery communicates, and this is where I chose to focus. From the lowest shepherds to the wisest of men, Jesus comes for all men and all women so that God's blessings "become available to all people in every generation." Am I humble enough and wise enough to yield my very life to the One who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life?

The greatest of these...

It has been a distracting week and I haven't blogged as much as I had intended and quite honestly I haven't been as focused as I would have liked on a regular time of reading and reflection. But in spite of myself, I am on a good road as my heart is melting before His presence and His love, and that is the ultimate point. As always, start out anew on the journey with one foot in front of the other in obedience and suddenly the path takes a course you could have never imagined. As I have noted before, "The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, he directs it like a watercourse where ever He pleases." Proverbs 21:1

So, now I am several days behind in my Lent devotional but I am sure that somehow it is all "right on time" in His plan. And then I pick up the devotional and right there at the top of the page is "Our Greatest Lover". A perfectly natural place to pick up from the last blog entry. As I think about the upcoming trip and the fact that I will have the chance to physically sit in the Garden of Gethsemane, the opening scripture for today's Lent reading takes on a whole new reality.

"...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our Faith,
who for THE JOY set before Him endured the cross,

and suffered its shame..."

Hebrews 12:2

It is so easy (or perhaps so convenient) to minimize the true magnitude of what Jesus knew He was facing at His death. In the garden, he wrestled with the enormity of the task before him. The man who had walked on water, brought people back from the dead, who breathed and seasoned Roman soldiers fell back in front him, who went into a desert to fast for 40 days and face all the temptation that Satan could throw His way, this man was asking the Daddy that He loved if there was any other way. May I make no mistake, the death He willingly faced caused Him to sweat blood that night in the garden with the anquish of it all. But what was never questioned was why He was doing it. And if there wasn't another way, which obviously there was not, the path was clear and He was resolute. Resolute because of the JOY set before Him. This is the wonderous part of it all. I am that JOY. You are that JOY. It was our faces that He pictured as He walked down the Via Dolorosa. Do I allow the extravagence of this love to move beyond the confines of my logical mind and fill my heart? Based on how I respond to God so much of the time, I would say not very often.

I love the scripture describing Jesus as the "visible expression of the invisible God." What we see in Jesus is what is true of the Father. Our Heavenly Daddy loves us like nothing we can imagine. If we could just grasp a fraction of it with our hearts, how we move throughout our day would be radically different.

"I have called you by name; you are mine. You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you" Isaiah 43:3-4

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He takes great delight in you; He will quiet you with his holy love, and rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

"I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion." Hosea 2:19

David, described in the Bible as "a man after God's own heart" says, "Your love for me is better than life itself." Psalm 63:3

In the Song of Solomon, a picture of our relationship to the God who loves us: "I am my Beloved's; His desire is for me." Solomon 7:10

For I am convinced that neither death nor life,

neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future,

nor ANY powers,

neither height nor depth,

nor ANYTHING else in ALL creation,

will be able to separate us from the love of God

that is ours IN Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

Ty states in 40 Days of Lent, "To learn that God is in fact our Lover and to come to Him as our Lover, seems to grow in awareness for us as we see Jesus go to the cross for us. When Someone dies for you, you no longer analyze their commitment to you or wonder if they truly care for you. You no longer question the intention of their Word to you. You assume the best. You know you are loved. So, you trust."

Ahhh, trust....now there is a big five letter word....

To Take On

The Word [Jesus] became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Cor 5:21

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross! Phil 2:1-8


That the God of the Universe would take on all the limitations of human skin to rescue me from the other side of an otherwise impassable chasm that relationally separates me from Him because of my dark heart is something too large to imagine, too elusive to grasp, too lavish for my heart to receive. That I am the prize, the goal, and the purpose driving the hero of the epic story, is more than I can enter into. I am the object of God's great affection

I have truly enjoyed reading some of John Eldridge’s works over the last few years as he is such a great story teller. I have been most touched by his attempts to paint the picture of how I do fit into an epic story that has taken place over all space and time with powerful forces of Good and Evil waging war for possession of my heart. Times of connecting with this TRUTH have been largely contained to fleeting glimpses that yield moments of a melted heart that is filled with love, gratitude, and wonder. Nothing has tasted sweeter. That the entire Bible is a living document proclaiming God's passionate and relentless love is so often lost in the perceived "rules" of religion. And despite the clear communication time and time again that the greatest of all is love, we so often want to make it about something, anything else. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (I Cor 13:13)

And can it be that I should gain
an interest in the Savior's blood!
Died he for me? who caused his pain!
For me? who him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be
that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be
that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

'Tis mystery all: th' Immortal dies!
Who can explore his strange design?
In vain the firstborn seraph tries
to sound the depths of love divine.
'Tis mercy all! Let earth adore;
let angel minds inquire no more.
'Tis mercy all! Let earth adore;
let angel minds inquire no more.

He left his Father's throne above
(so free, so infinite his grace!),
emptied himself of all but love,
and bled for Adam's helpless race.
'Tis mercy all, immense and free,
for O my God, it found out me!
'Tis mercy all, immense and free,
for O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
fast bound in sin and nature's night;
thine eye diffused a quickening ray;
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
my chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed thee.

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in him, is mine;
alive in him, my living Head,
and clothed in righteousness divine,
bold I approach th' eternal throne,
and claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th' eternal throne,
and claim the crown, through Christ my own.

-Charles Wesley

To Give Up

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2



What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31-32

To Prepare

I haven’t spent much time thinking about Lent before. In the past I have taken some half hearted steps to do something to observe Lent, but to my knowledge I have not gone through any kind of focused process for a true 40 plus days. I am looking forward to what God has in store for this time. I have tasted how much sweeter the Resurrection celebration can be when you have prepared spiritually for that time, but by comparison, that was a relatively short period of preparation starting on Palm Sunday and including a very special worship time on Good Friday called the Service of Shadows, which was a moving time of reflection on each of the Stations of the Cross, which I will get to walk on the Via Dolorosa in several weeks. So, how much more can God do with that much more we give him?

Speaking of that, last night at church, Pastor Greg preached on the feeding of the five thousand. The disciples had just returned from going out into the surrounding villages by twos to preach and heal. They had just returned and Jesus had suggested they get away to a quiet to place to rest and recharge after a time of hard work. It would seem that basically upon arrival to that remote place the crowds found them and wanted to hear from Jesus. Surely not on the disciples’ radar for how they envisioned this time of rest, they encouraged Jesus to send the people away that evening to get lodging and food in nearby villages (I am sure if I was them I would be thinking, “So, I can get some time to have some food and get some sleep!). Yet this was not Jesus’ plan. He asked the disciples how they were going to feed the people. As the disciples scrambled to come up with a plan, they asked who had food among them. And you know how the story goes… a little boy holds out his lunch and offers two fishes and three loaves of bread. And we know what Jesus did with that humble offering. He feed thousands and thousands of people with food to spare…all from a little boy’s lunch. God takes the ordinary things we offer up to Him and He transforms it into the miraculous. I come into this time with faith that what is offered during this 40 days will be transformed within my heart into the miraculous so that I would be overwhelmed by the height, and width, and depth of my Lord’s love for me and that my posture would be total surrender in worship with tear soaked hair on dusty feet.

Ben is joining me on this 40 day journey and He suggested that one of the things we could both do would be read a devotional especially designed for the Lenten season, which I thought was a great idea. Ty Saltzgiver, a friend from Young Life over many years, has written a small devotional called 40 Days of Lent: Scripture and Reflection on Jesus’ Passion, Death, and Resurrection which we started yesterday (well, technically, I started it today). Here are a few highlights from the first two days reading as it relates to understanding the meaning of the Lenten observance. Apparently the word Lent comes from an old English word for “spring” but obviously this will be far from the case as I am talking about observing this Lent during the height of heat and humidity in Charleston! Ty explains that there are two ways to observe Lent. You can “give something up” which would be a “discipline intended to make us aware of how earthly things can have power over us and to remind us that our true pleasure is in following Jesus.” During this time, “at the moment of inner longing for the ‘thing given up’, we are reminded to turn our hearts toward Jesus in gratitude and in surrender." The second way to observe Lent would be to “take something on” which would help nurture our soul such as daily journaling (or blogging in this case), a walk each evening in reflection, or “anything which helps make us ‘aware’ of Jesus’ nearness." As a form of worship, “Lent is meant to be enlivening and deepening, not another legalistic rule.” As I pointed out yesterday, it lasts for 40 days not counting Sundays. Ty explains that the 40 days was settled on because this was the number of days that Jesus spent in the wilderness fasting, praying, and entering into a time of solitude with His Father in preparation for His ministry on earth. I have come to find that God always seems to have deeper meaning to all that He does and all that He chooses. Everything is by design. What does this period of time mean to God? I am not sure, but it obviously is significant. It was 40 days that Noah waited on God's promises to be fulfilled as he scanned the horizon for dry land. And it was 40 years that the Israelites wandered in the wilderness waiting to enter into the Promised land. Come to think of it, I believe it was 40 days that Moses was on the mountain with God before bringing the Law in the form of the 10 Commandements. Hmm, perhaps more research on the topic is warranted. Perhaps tomorrow? However, in the meantime, Ty states,

“It is then fitting for us to have a 40 day period to prepare to celebrate Jesus and to let His Death and Resurrection be central in our lives. Lent is a time for sacrifice and self-examination, for increased self-awareness and God-awareness, for spiritual refocus and renewing of our conversion, for seeing our own need for Grace, and for opening our hearts to be more captured by Jesus’ love.”

Ah, yes, that is the ticket!

40 Days

I was driving up to NC the other day for my father's 70th birthday party and I was thinking about our upcoming trip to Israel in September. Ben and I will be joining my parents along with several other folks from Greensboro and High Point, NC for a 10 day trip to the Holy Land. The group is being led by my former pastor from one of the churches I attended while growing up in Greensboro. He no longer pastors a church but he continues to serve in a pastoral role as he leads many community Bible studies around that area. Intellectually, I know this will be an amazing trip, but it is hard to really grasp what it will mean. However, if history is any indication, I suspect I can play a significant part in the degree to which the trip impacts me, most especially on a spiritual and emotional level.



I am not saying that what I do or don't do affects God showing up...He is always there, as consistent tomorrow as He was yesterday, and He is always right on time. No, it all has to do with my spiritual attentiveness. And apparently, it is not something that I can just turn off and on at will. It seems to be an organic thing that I can feed or starve and it waxes and wanes accordingly. I would say over the last several months I haven't been feeding it very well. So, I was thinking in the car about how I want that to change, most especially given the fact that I am being given an incredible opportunity to experience God is some really amazing new ways come September. I want to be on the edge of my seat, spiritually speaking, when those wheels touch down in Tel Aviv.



While I don't go to a particularly liturgical church and I am loathe to subject myself to rote religious practices, I do find that there is a richness of worship that comes from spiritual traditions when you go to the core of why they exist and from where they grew. A few examples would be a very timely discovery of the meaning of a lyric in a hymn that became very dear to me at a time of spiritual searching...."Here I raise my Ebenezer". We now have raised our own Ebenezer...see if you can find it when you come visit ;-) Another would be the deeper understanding of all of the layers of the Passover and how it connects so powerfully to the blood painted around the door to my heart. So, I started thinking about what spiritual tradition or discipline could I connect with that would provide some focus to a time of preparing for this upcoming trip? And quietly the word floated up in my mind...."Lent". Interesting, so as I was driving, I grabbed a quick glance at a calendar. (Before you send me my lecture, I know I am not supposed to do such things while driving. Now, in my defense this was before all the buzz in the news the last few days when we were informed by doctors that we should pay attention when we are walking or driving because bad things could happen if we don't, like car accidents or falling off sidewalks...thank goodness for doctors. So, I am now properly informed and without excuse. Just like McDonalds adding the warning that the coffee is hot and could burn you!) As I started counting off the days to my trip, I discovered something interesting. It would be EXACTLY 40 days from the upcoming Sunday (today) to the day we touch down in Israel. Now Ben might be able to tell me what the odds are for this, but it doesn't really matter to me. You see, God knows that I love that kind of thing and I have learned not to question the fact that it was mysteriously intended. I love the fact that He speaks my language. And even more so, I love the fact that He meets me right where I am at the time. Case in point, I learned from Ben's discovery today that while Lent does last for 40 days, it does not include Sundays. But given the fact that I didn't know that while driving along I85 on Wednesday, God ordered it Jen-size. So, I am observing my own Lent (with Sundays included) in the summer and turning my heart and my face towards my God who always waits patiently for this posture. And I love how He promises, even in the timing of discovery, that He will eagerly meet me there. So, I invite you on the journey through this blog and I hope to be able to include you on it while I am overseas, as well. How awesome is it that I can commune with the author of Time!

No room to eddy-out between...

The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord;

he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.

Proverbs 21:1

Fun river to run," she said.

Class 5 rapids is what she means

Weave through the boulders in one thin line

No room to eddy-out between

A 20-foot high falling wall

You ride it down like easy fun

What's the trick to falls that tall?

How do you do the things you've done?

"You Make It Look Easy"

David Wilcox

At church a few weeks ago, we spent some time talking about decisions. How do we make the important decisions in our lives and what do those choices bring into or take from our lives? If each choice we make represents a step on the journey of our lives, in what direction are our choices taking us? Do they bring us more joy, more passion, more awakening to our purpose, more love, more fulfillment, more life! Or do they bring us more dissonance, more unsettled restlessness, more discontent, more frustration, more anxiety, more disconnectedness, the list goes on but you get the idea. In sum, do the choices we make bring life or do they bring death?

I remember an afternoon from several years ago spent alone in the NC mountains along the edge of small mountain stream. It was one of those early spring days when you remember how it felt to be a child abandoned to the pursuit of important pointlessness. For me on this particular day, it took the form of a fun game throwing yellow buttercups as far up stream as I could and then watching them find their way past me in reckless abandon until I lost sight of them in the distance. Well, at least most of them. Every now and then one would go to the right of a large stone that split the water in two. For those unfortunate buttercups, it landed them in a stagnant pool of water off to the side of the rapid flow. I watched these buttercups slowly float around and around in the pool. Each time they would come close to reconnecting with flowing water, I would watch them get pushed gently back into the pool. I can't tell you how long I watched this same pattern happen finding myself becoming increasingly disappointed with each lost opportunity of escape. Where the water was clean and clear flowing with white foamy urgency on one side of the stone, this pool was dark with the decay of things trapped long dead and rotting. It was hard to imagine that this bright yellow buttercup would melt into this morass. Honestly, how tragic.

Not too many months after that afternoon, I had a first hand opportunity to see how it felt to be one of those buttercups. I was back in the mountains with some friends for a day of white water rafting...tourist style, of course, as all of us knew nothing about the sport. One of the things I learned that day was regardless how hot the summer day may be, mountain water runs cold as ice. The other thing I learned were some very rudimentary paddling skills along with a new awareness of the potential hazards inherent in the trip. There are no brakes and there isn't a steering wheel. There is no engine to cut or sail to let out. This is a go-with-the-flow kind of adventure and you better figure out how to make peace with the power that lifts you up and carries you forward, because there is no taming it and there is certainly no controlling it. But on the other side of abandon and surrender was a ride that only nature could give you. It was amazing. Just from the small glimpse I got that day, I can understand why people become such enthusiasts of the sport.

The images from these two days have stayed with me for a long time. To me, they represent the underlying reality of many of the decisions I have before me. Do I choose to stay in the flow of the river or do I choose to sideline myself in murky water. The times in my life when I have been the most alive and the most connected with that sense of "THIS is what I was created for" have been those times that I have surrendered my need to control and allowed myself to be swept up in God's will. It has been when I have fought to keep my boat in the middle of that flow. I think the reason my heart longed so much for that buttercup to find its way into the flow of that river was because I remember what it felt like to be trapped in dead waters. The flow of my life and results of choices I made landed me in a place that I knew would end in death. Death of hope. Death of joy. Death of purpose. And I was powerless to change the never-ending, circling flow that kept me trapped. But my greatest joy came from the realization that God could do what I could not. God sent His son to take my place in the muck and mire of that trap and I was plucked up and placed in the flow of living water racing with purpose on the watercourse He designed.

When we allow God to take us on this adventure with our hands in the raft, completely given over to the ride, no room to eddy-out, He makes the impossible possible. When we yield ourselves in this way, He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. You will look in from the outside and think it all just looks so easy and effortless, and in one sense, you are right. It is a wild ride powered by a force outside of yourself that moves with power beyond anything you possess and reaches its intended destination in spite of you. But isn't one of the hardest things in the world to do is trust our very lives to the God we only see in part? Doesn't it take incredible resolve to yield our stubborn and proud hearts? Doesn't the wounded parts of our soul rebel against laying ourselves bare to His intentions?

"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, 'Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?' Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, 'Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?' No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life...." Deuteronomy 30:11-20

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!"

Ephesians 3:20-21

A crepe day

What a weekend. I was busy enjoying a beautiful day in Charleston, SC on Saturday and then busy all day Sunday paying for the fact that I had blown off things I needed to do on Saturday.

So, here is what I have to say regarding this weekend. I live in the MOST beautiful area of the country. I know that is a big statement and is largely subjective, but I will put it to the challenge against pretty much anywhere. Saturday was fantastic with blue skies, strong wind, warm sun, and no humidity. And not only is it beautiful, but there is something for anybody to do! Sailboats filled the harbor as Charleston Race Week was in full swing. We had the East Coast Canoe & Kayak Festival creating rainbows on the water over on James Island. Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova were duking it out at the Family Circle Cup semi-finals. And where was I? Leisurely strolling through Marion Square downtown taking in the sites and sounds of the first Charleston Farmer's Market . I stood in a shockingly long line to get a crepe filled with fresh tomato, basil, mozzarella, and mushrooms. You wouldn't believe how many people are willing to wait for a ridiculous amount of time for the perfect sweet or savory french creation (supposedly the banana and nutella crepe is off the chain...that is according to the very nice girl with multiple body piercings that I bonded with as we invested some serious time together). It is fun to watch the uninformed looking around trying to figure out why ALL these people seem to be standing for some unknown reason in this long line that seems to go nowhere. It is so long you don't really see the crepe-stand at all. And all those "in the know" KNOW that it is worth every minute. So, after enjoying every heavenly bite, I picked up some local fresh tomatoes grown on Johns Island, avoided the swarming bees that had made their nest in the tree beside my parked car (maybe that is why the space was open?) and headed to Daniel Island with the intention of gussying up (yes, that is what we do here) the toes to make their first "dressed" appearance of the season. But the beautiful weather lured me to the Wando River and before I knew it I was on a long walk. I love the smell of pluff mud in the marsh and all the Spanish moss waving in the trees. And don't worry, I did finally make it to my manicure and pedicure time. I have to say, it was a good day.

The dumb duck day

While preparing dinner last night, my husband and I were listening to a CD that a friend made for me a few years ago. This friend is gifted when it comes to making what we affectionately called back in the 80's a "mixed tape." First of all, she has great taste in music! Second, she takes painstaking time selecting the right songs with the right message and placing it all in the right order. It is honestly an art form. Like a painting or a sculpture, it takes the everyday and puts it together in a way that evokes some connection with the epic. I kid you not. She is that good! This little CD is like a soundtrack for the movie of my life, roughly Chapter 34 and 35 and it is a treasure. To have someone interpret your rantings and longings and give it back to you in this form? What a gift. The first song on the CD is a tune by one of Ben's longtime friends from his Columbus, GA days, Allen Levi. The song is about the choice we have regarding how we are going to live this life. Do we settle for mediocrity or do we fight for God's best? A properly placed song, as my friend is well aware of how God has drilled me on this particular topic over the years. Long before this song was even written, we sat in rockers on a porch in North GA sharing our hearts with one another. I was so frustrated with a stagnant faith and the best picture I could come up with was this sense that I was confining myself in the shallow end of a chlorine-filled pool when I had the choice of all the adventure and mystery (and wonderful danger) of the ocean before me. Why was I settling for this compromise? This friend has watched me mourn my innate tendency to choose the lesser of the two. But how God keeps at us! And what more, I am quite confident that He is going to keep hammering on this topic even if it kills him (and it did). One of the many occasions that God chose to speak on this topic occurred with this same friend. We were heading down to Piedmont Park in downtown Atlanta, GA to enjoy a beautiful day. Piedmont Park is an oasis in the middle of concrete. As we walked down the sidewalk flanked by skyscrapers and construction, we could see the green trees and water in the not too far distance. That is when I noticed the ducks. Off to the side of us was a big muddy hole that looked a lot like my leg when I take out a divot of flesh with a cheap razor...Georgia red clay is something to see--quite dramatic. In the middle of the hole was a small island formed by pooled red water and in the middle of that small island, barley big enough for the two of them, sat the ducks. Seemingly right at home in the midst of the mud, construction, concrete, and chaos of downtown Atlanta. Are you kidding me? Within view is a proper pond...shimmering water with Weeping Willows dipping their fingers like little kids, fields of green dotted with blankets, benches with couples offering who knows what delicacies to the ducks who had figured this thing out. And here the pair of them sat, red stained on white feathers. And in that moment it was clear what God was saying yet again, "why do you insist on making your home on this island of red clay? I have come that you might have life and have it the full." I love the fact that God will just sneak up on us like that. I love the fact that He uses any means necessary to keep truth in front of us, even a couple of disillusioned ducks. "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made..." In the midst of observing this little nature scene, I was deeply convicted. How often have I exchanged God's glory for some man-made, synthetic version of that glory? How often do I worship and serve created things rather than the Creator? I know some of my reasons and God is helping me work on them. All of them are sin, even the ones that are packaged so pretty and seem so innocuous. Thankfully, my Abba Daddy wants His best for me and I am eternally grateful that He works to bring that to fruition in spite of me. We belong to an awesome God! And I am praying that I will be unmade every day as I rediscover the child in me that intrinsically recognizes and chooses God's best. "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Mark 10:15 or Luke 18:17--take your pick)

Who Wants a Pool by Allen Levi

His mother said, “Let’s leave the beach,
we’re going to the swimming pool,”
It seems that she was tired of the seashore
But quick her little toddler kid
He pulled away and ran, he did
It seems there’s so much more for him to explore

He wanted sand as white as snow
He wanted thunder on his toes
He wants the waves with never ending motion
He wanted salt and foam and breeze
He ran as if to say "Mom, please... "
Who wants a pool when you can have an ocean?
Who wants a pool when you can have an ocean?

It’s oh so easy to begin
Just strip right down and dive right in
Who wants a pool, when you can have the ocean?
Who wants a pool, when you can have an ocean?

For further reflections, some great quotes, and to listen to the song, check out Songs and Stories on Allen's website.

What is that smell?

This whole blog thing is a very new concept to me. Of course I have heard about all the variations of the blogging world and read a few here and there, but I haven't really jumped into it. So, here I am at a place where my husband's urging intersects with an inner resonation and I am blogging. I just spent the better part of an hour checking out other blogs. Classic move for me--checking out how it is "supposed" to be done. And several of them leave me with blog envy. Blog envy is a first cousin to a host of other envies. Pretty much the whole family leaves you thinking that you should pack up the bags and go home. Get out of the game. How many games have I sidelined myself as a result. This reeks of Satan's handiwork. The quote "comparisons are odious" comes to mind. I have that quote linked to Madeline L'Engle in my mind, but like many things in my mind, there is no telling why the link is there. So, a bit of research and it is obvious that the phrase has been around much longer than Madeline. (Side note: I love how we do this in so many arenas--ascribe origin according to our frame of reference when it has been around for a very long time. I had NO idea that "I Will Always Love You," which I have firmly tied to Whitney Houston, was originally written and performed by Dolly Parton.) So, here is what I found on "comparisons are odious":

The earliest recorded use of this phrase appears to be by John Lydgate in his Debate between the horse, goose, and sheep, circa 1440:
"Odyous of olde been comparisonis, And of comparisonis engendyrd is haterede."
It was used by several authors later, notably Cervantes, Christopher Marlowe and John Donne.
In Much Ado About Nothing, Shakespeare gives Dogberry the line 'comparisons are odorous'. It seems he was using this ironically, knowing it to be a misuse of what would have been a well known phrase by 1598/99 when the play was written."

I think that about sums it up.

And so it begins...

I love to write. I love to reflect on things. I have been told, and I quite agree, that my "inner" world can sometimes be more real to me than the physical world in which I live. This works for me and against me. This is my attempted truce with my own hesitancy to invite others into this space. As I see it, the power to choose to move along with anonimity frees me from my insecurities, at least a bit. When I am honest, I want my heart to be known. And more slimply, I love the idea of a place to generally wax philosophical.